Ever wish the ex would just die?

Every heard the phrase, watch what you wish for? Hate is a very strong word – to say I hate my ex is extreme especially when in the same breath I am often heard saying that I love him and care about it but I really do hate at least the things he has done and how he lied and hurt me. He did some things that would be considered wrong on any decent person’s moral meter to me and against me without even considering how it affected our son. I often mumbled that I wish he would just die and quit interfering with how I raised our son. Well, Monday my wish came true.

As a mother I am sad for my son and worry about how he will deal with this issue but I am so glad my ex is gone and I don’t feel bad for saying so. At least now he has a valid excuse for not going to my son’s games or asking how he is doing in school or not calling to see if he wanted to spend the weekend with him. He even made an excuse the one and only time I needed him to buy our son a pair of shoes for football when I didn’t have the money at the time.

Now when I have trouble with my son’s behavior I don’t have to worry about him saying things like, “it’s ok, you can just come and live with me.” I had this issue a lot with my older son and a few times already with our son. Our son is 14 and at an age where it is very important that parents show a united front when it comes to misbehaving.

My parents divorced when I was 11 years old and it didn’t matter what the situation was or where my father was if my mother called him he always backed her up and would tell me that if he had to come to where I was I was sure to get a good whipping. As a kid it made me angry but I also learned that I wasn’t able to play one parent against the other to get my way like so many kids today get away with because divorced (or never married) parents put their negative feelings towards each other before the needs of the children. My father was supportive of my mother even when he didn’t agree with her – at least where I could see. Anything else was discussed away from the children as it should be.

Good riddens I say, I did care about him and loved him as much as anyone can love someone who is self centered and only did for anyone if he got something out of it. I felt bad for him when he got sick and was always there for him when he needed someone and didn’t have anyone else around even when I knew he would have never done the same for me.

When my oldest son was killed back in November of ’06 my ex never even asked me once how I was doing. I asked him how he was doing, and even his wife at the time, every time I saw him through the days that followed until the funeral but he never once considered or ask how I might be feeling but that is the kind of man he was.

The feeling was quite mutual between us. His hate for me showed in his (alleged) final words. Before he had even passed away his housemates showed up at the hospital with a letter they (allegedly) found on his computer stating things like how he lived a long life and was ready to put an end to the suffering (he was sick on an off a lot the past few years because of a physical condition) and the letter continued with how he was leaving everything to his housemates. He gave my older son is computer and our 14 year old his World of Warcraft account. The letter stated that Chris (myself) wouldn’t like his decision but it wasn’t up to her. He didn’t think for one minute how it would make his “son’s” feel knowing he didn’t think any more of them than a computer and a W.O.W. account. Now mind you, these are boys he called sons and they called him father for the past 15 years but because he disliked me so much he gave all he owned to someone else other than his (so called) sons. Including the 4-wheeler that belonged to my oldest son who was killed. My ex refused to let me have my son’s things that were left at his house (my son lived with him before leaving for the Army) but he had always promised that it would all go to the other boys when he died. The man was incapable of keeping promises.

Now of course there is absolutely no validity to the letter when it comes to the law but because he had no valid will I would have to get an attorney to have access to his things for my son and I just don’t have the money. I wrote to the housemates about the situation and how my son was upset that his father gave everything to his housemates and asked them to give him a few items that I know would mean a lot to him like his brothers 4-wheeler and a couple of other small items. After all, they made out like bandits (furniture, appliances, cherry picker and other tools in the garage and even a car the ex signed over to them prior to being sick – and that’s just a small fraction of stuff he had) they can give my son these few items if they are even half decent people.

All together including a contract for deed the ex had with the house he lived in there is probably a value of 30 to 50 grand (depending on what I could sell the house for) that could have paid for our son’s college education. I’m not sure if he amended the contract but the last I laid eyes on it a year ago it left the house to his beneficiary whom would be my son because he is the only legal relative that could make a claim on it without a valid will or amending the contract to actually name someone. I have 6 months to petition the court so I should be able to have the money by then. The problem is I don’t have access to the contract as evidence and the house owners have not returned my message. The other problem is all the other belongings were not items with ownership papers so there is no way to prove they were his and not theirs since they all lived in the same house. I know what was there a year ago before the friends moved in but then its my word against theirs and what kind of people they are is still yet to be seen. We’ll see if they give my son these few items I asked for. I told them that I was asking because he should not have to ask for what should be going to him anyway. My son already told me he won’t because he didn’t want to sound greedy. Seriously – what kind of decent father would put their 14 year old son in a position to feel guilty for wanting his father’s things?

Did you know it is actually legal to disinherit your minor children? I can understand when it comes to adult children but not with minor children. One would think parents have a legal and moral obligation to provide for their children. If he had thought of this and planned properly he would have left his stuff to his child and even if his son couldn’t use the stuff it could have been sold to tend to his needs like a car when he is old enough or part of his college education. I know I have a will providing for my children including a life insurance policy.

Parents – don’t think that just because your child may be a minor that your ex will get your things. You can designate someone other than the ex to control the assets that you want provided to your child. In most states you don’t even have to have an attorney – you only need to sign, date, and have two witnesses sign as well. Each state is different but in Kansas the witnesses cannot be a person benefiting from the will. There is less trouble with validating the will when you and your witnesses go together to have the document notarized. This makes the process of transferring property less of a hassle for those who are already grieving your loss.