It is just an introduction but here it is…

I know how awful that sounds but the three of us went from a 5-bedroom house to a cheap 2-bedroom condo that I will be fixing up later this year. It is a long story how we got to this point but the short version is when I needed a job I couldn’t find one so I sold my house via an installment contract which provides enough income to live frugally and stay home with my daughter. Once she is in school full-time (next school year) I’ll be looking for a job – unless I can create a decent stream of income from my home business that I am putting together.

I hate that I had to sell the house – especially this time of the year. I love entertaining and now we are so limited on space and what space we have is in desperate need of a makeover. I hope to start this makeover after tax time in May.

I had sold all of our furniture (another long story) so when we landed in this place all we had was a bed, old desk, a couple of old dressers, a broken recliner and a few televisions. We got a free couch and broken futon that won’t fold up for a couch but has served my son well as a bed and I shared my bed with my daughter. We have since acquired more stuff and our income was increased recently so we are giving away the free couch and buying a large sectional big enough for my son to sleep on and his friend that occasionally spends the night.

All he does when he gets home is play his video games so it all makes sense. Now I have room for all my stuff without cluttering up the living room and I don’t have to be woken in the middle of night to my daughter’s feet being crammed into the most uncomfortable places. My daughter and spend our evenings after dinner upstairs and my son has his privacy downstairs and as a bonus gets to play his PS3 on the big screen. He knows that when we start having adult company over again that he has to take his gaming up to my room.

Over the past few days I’ve had a better work out carrying things up and down the stairs than I ever got at the gym. The bummer is that I don’t have access to a hot tub here at home like I do at the gym so I can soak my aching body. May be making a trip to the Y over the weekend.

To say I hate my ex is an understatement, depending on the issue at hand, and some days I might even be over heard saying that I love him and care about him. Yeah, this applies to all my ex’s (even the one that this note does not refer to) but if you got along well then most likely you would still be together. These are natural and healthy emotions just as long as they don’t carry over in a way that hurts the children.

I’m not perfect and I’m one who hasn’t hesitated to tell my children, specifically my sons, how I feel in regards to their so-called father. Some would say this is not good for the children but I’m also not one to lie or sugar coat things either. However, regardless of my feelings I have never interfered in their relationships or prevented visitations.

Ok, I won’t bore you with the details because this is about Last Will and Testament.

Parents – don’t think for one moment that just because you hate your ex that you won’t leave your child things of monetary value just because you don’t want your ex to have access to it. My ex did this to my son – he passed away leaving everything to his housemates – according to an unsigned document they (allegedly) found on his computer. I can only assume this is because he hated me so much that he didn’t want me to benefit from anything he may have left to his son but what he failed to think about was how this left his son feeling emotionally. If you want to know a little more you can read Ever wish the ex would just die?

Each state varies in laws regarding Last Will and Testament’s but in Kansas you don’t need an attorney or have the document notarized however both will help speed up the process for your loved ones after you are gone. So don’t think just because you can’t afford an attorney that you can’t create a will. Just think, if you don’t have money how Will your children find the money to hire an attorney to acquire your assets and without a Will they will have to have an attorney to transfer ownership of things like homes, vehicles, bank accounts and more. Otherwise these things are lost to the state. Even with a Will they may have to hire an attorney so keep this in mind.

You can name an executor to handle the process and distribute the assets. If your only heir is a child this does not have to be the child’s other parent. This can be anyone you name and if there is a life insurance policy or things that can be sold the money can be held in an account or trust until the child is 18 or whatever age you specify or can be used for the child’s college education or however you wish. The ex doesn’t have to benefit from what you leave to your child other than not having to wipe away his tears or try to explain why because he is distraught because you didn’t care enough to leave him your belongings – especially if you live with others who can easily say the belongings are theirs. It won’t matter – the child (or child’s representative) will have to prove they are and without documentation this would be next to impossible.

Remember, although we are discussing material or monetary things most importantly we are talking about how this affects your child emotionally.

It is important to sign and date the document and have witnesses also sign and date. In Kansas there has to be two witnesses to you signing the document and they must sign stating that they witnessed you sign. These witnesses cannot be named as beneficiaries as it could prove a conflict in interest and invalidate the document. Be as specific as possible so as to not leave any room for misinterpretation of your wishes. I won’t provide a link to references as each state is different but anyone can google (or whatever search engine you prefer) “last will and testament in I won’t provide a link to references as each state is different but anyone can google (or whatever search engine you prefer) “last will and testament in (your) state and find the details or, if you can afford it, hire a lawyer. I did my will for, if I remember correctly, $200.

As a mother I am sad for my son and worry about how he will deal with this issue but I am so glad my ex is gone and I don’t feel bad for saying so. At least now he has a valid excuse for not going to my son’s games or asking how he is doing in school or not calling to see if he wanted to spend the weekend with him. He even made an excuse the one and only time I needed him to buy our son a pair of shoes for football when I didn’t have the money at the time.

Now when I have trouble with my son’s behavior I don’t have to worry about him saying things like, “it’s ok, you can just come and live with me.” I had this issue a lot with my older son and a few times already with our son. Our son is 14 and at an age where it is very important that parents show a united front when it comes to misbehaving.

My parents divorced when I was 11 years old and it didn’t matter what the situation was or where my father was if my mother called him he always backed her up and would tell me that if he had to come to where I was I was sure to get a good whipping. As a kid it made me angry but I also learned that I wasn’t able to play one parent against the other to get my way like so many kids today get away with because divorced (or never married) parents put their negative feelings towards each other before the needs of the children. My father was supportive of my mother even when he didn’t agree with her – at least where I could see. Anything else was discussed away from the children as it should be.

Good riddens I say, I did care about him and loved him as much as anyone can love someone who is self centered and only did for anyone if he got something out of it. I felt bad for him when he got sick and was always there for him when he needed someone and didn’t have anyone else around even when I knew he would have never done the same for me.

When my oldest son was killed back in November of ’06 my ex never even asked me once how I was doing. I asked him how he was doing, and even his wife at the time, every time I saw him through the days that followed until the funeral but he never once considered or ask how I might be feeling but that is the kind of man he was.

The feeling was quite mutual between us. His hate for me showed in his (alleged) final words. Before he had even passed away his housemates showed up at the hospital with a letter they (allegedly) found on his computer stating things like how he lived a long life and was ready to put an end to the suffering (he was sick on an off a lot the past few years because of a physical condition) and the letter continued with how he was leaving everything to his housemates. He gave my older son is computer and our 14 year old his World of Warcraft account. The letter stated that Chris (myself) wouldn’t like his decision but it wasn’t up to her. He didn’t think for one minute how it would make his “son’s” feel knowing he didn’t think any more of them than a computer and a W.O.W. account. Now mind you, these are boys he called sons and they called him father for the past 15 years but because he disliked me so much he gave all he owned to someone else other than his (so called) sons. Including the 4-wheeler that belonged to my oldest son who was killed. My ex refused to let me have my son’s things that were left at his house (my son lived with him before leaving for the Army) but he had always promised that it would all go to the other boys when he died. The man was incapable of keeping promises.

Now of course there is absolutely no validity to the letter when it comes to the law but because he had no valid will I would have to get an attorney to have access to his things for my son and I just don’t have the money. I wrote to the housemates about the situation and how my son was upset that his father gave everything to his housemates and asked them to give him a few items that I know would mean a lot to him like his brothers 4-wheeler and a couple of other small items. After all, they made out like bandits (furniture, appliances, cherry picker and other tools in the garage and even a car the ex signed over to them prior to being sick – and that’s just a small fraction of stuff he had) they can give my son these few items if they are even half decent people.

All together including a contract for deed the ex had with the house he lived in there is probably a value of 30 to 50 grand (depending on what I could sell the house for) that could have paid for our son’s college education. I’m not sure if he amended the contract but the last I laid eyes on it a year ago it left the house to his beneficiary whom would be my son because he is the only legal relative that could make a claim on it without a valid will or amending the contract to actually name someone. I have 6 months to petition the court so I should be able to have the money by then. The problem is I don’t have access to the contract as evidence and the house owners have not returned my message. The other problem is all the other belongings were not items with ownership papers so there is no way to prove they were his and not theirs since they all lived in the same house. I know what was there a year ago before the friends moved in but then its my word against theirs and what kind of people they are is still yet to be seen. We’ll see if they give my son these few items I asked for. I told them that I was asking because he should not have to ask for what should be going to him anyway. My son already told me he won’t because he didn’t want to sound greedy. Seriously – what kind of decent father would put their 14 year old son in a position to feel guilty for wanting his father’s things?

Did you know it is actually legal to disinherit your minor children? I can understand when it comes to adult children but not with minor children. One would think parents have a legal and moral obligation to provide for their children. If he had thought of this and planned properly he would have left his stuff to his child and even if his son couldn’t use the stuff it could have been sold to tend to his needs like a car when he is old enough or part of his college education. I know I have a will providing for my children including a life insurance policy.

Parents – don’t think that just because your child may be a minor that your ex will get your things. You can designate someone other than the ex to control the assets that you want provided to your child. In most states you don’t even have to have an attorney – you only need to sign, date, and have two witnesses sign as well. Each state is different but in Kansas the witnesses cannot be a person benefiting from the will. There is less trouble with validating the will when you and your witnesses go together to have the document notarized. This makes the process of transferring property less of a hassle for those who are already grieving your loss.

Today my long standing opinions were tested.  I have always believed that women don’t mean to be bad mothers – we just do what we know how to do.  Much of our (in general) behavior is learned from our parents who learned from their parents and so on and some of us our lucky enough to learn from those mistakes and go on to make all new mistakes of our own that we try to help our children learn from.  To the point though – what I witnessed today was something I felt was totally heartless.  This complaint has to do with two women (I believe they were sisters) probably in their 30′s.  Their father was also involved in the conversation.  He was asking about what he had heard about the 9-year-old girl starting her period.  Woman B said something and woman A (the girls mother) responded with, in a snarky tone, “oh, she didn’t start her period – she just thinks she did because there was blood when she wiped”.  She said this in a tone that said she thought her daughter was stupid and didn’t care that there was blood when her daughter wiped.  I made a comment, “she’s too young to have hemorrhoids.”   The mother responds with, “oh she just does’t wipe very good.”  I don’t remember what woman B was saying but she also had a non concerned attitude towards this little girl bleeding.   All the women seemed to care about was that this girl not be telling people that she started her period.   Ok, by this time I am just totally annoyed with the women’s tone like she doesn’t care that her daughter is bleeding just so long as she hasn’t started her period.  I didn’t ask but from her attitude I seriously doubt if she took the little girl to the doctor over this.

OK, lets think about this for just a moment.  If the little girl has not started her period and doesn’t have hemorrhoids and the mother claims it is from not wiping good then just how bad is this girls hygiene to be bleeding?  Even if she wasn’t wiping good she wouldn’t be bleeding.  If it’s not hemorrhoids or the start of a menstrual cycle there is only two other things I can think of it could be and both are so horrible that I can’t help but wonder if I should call someone.

First thought, after mom saying the bleeding is caused from not wiping good is that this girl must not be taking baths either because the situation would be bad enough to either scab up and bleed or oozing blood.  Seriously?  Take the girl to the doctor.  The next thought is this girl has been molested.  I can’t help but wonder about this girl’s home life if the mother is so heartless to just write off her daughter bleeding from that area.

Next complaint for the day is how women take their kids to the park then not pay attention to them while they sit at the picnic tables yakking it up while their kids act like little hoodlums knocking over kids half their size.  It’s no wonder children behave so badly – they have no one paying enough attention to them to point out unacceptable behavior or teach them proper behavior.

Third out of 4 – When you turn a corner to find a vehicle already backing out of a parking spot do not sit there and honk at them – stop and let them out.  I don’t think many people realize that if someone is already backing out when you approach them they actually do have the right of way – of course if you hit them it is hard to prove unless their is witnesses but you know what – letting them continue to back out is the polite thing to do!

Last is not so much a complaint but I was witness to stupidity at it best.  First of all the stupidity of the security and workers at one of our local grocery stores.  When the weather is warm and someone walks in with over sized clothes and a big jacket that is a pretty sure sign that this person is most likely going to shoplift.  I walked around the corner to see the backside of a man squatted with his pants half down his butt but his underwear actually at the waist where his pants should also be and he had both hands (or so it appeared from the backside) down his pants making a up and down movement with is arms  which looked really gross at first but it was apparent that he was shoving something down his pants and trying to get it situated.

His stupidity was that he was so blatently obvious – I had stood there for a good 5 seconds watching him before he even looked up and around to see if someone was watching.  Another man had turned into the isle from the opposite direction so he was spotted from two directions.  He looked up and saw the other man in front of him then turned and saw me and quickly moved on.  I moved on as well and spotted him two more times as we seemed to be heading the same direction.  Each time he spotted me (we were at opposite ends of each isle) he turned and went the other direction.  When I pointed this out to one of the workers she was oblivious to what was going on.  She had spotted him but never thought to keep an eye on him – baggy clothes and big jacket on warm day – come on – it couldn’t have been more obvious unless he was wearing a sign that said watch me as I rob you blind.

Cheryl Ann aka Sissy at McDonald's Play Land

As a work from home single parent I have found McDonald’s play area to be both a blessing and a curse.  My daughter is full of energy when I pick her up from her morning pre-k class and if I just take her home there is no getting anything done because she demands constant attention, which she deserves, making it hard to accomplish anything especially something that requires even the slightest ability to think.

Think – in a room full of kids?  Yeah, ok – this does sound hard to believe but I can handle the roar of children playing as long as I’m lucky enough to be among other parents that also do not allow their children to scream.  Even though this is a place where children are expected to be noisy there is no reason for them to be screaming indoors and my daughter knows if she participates in the screaming that we will go home.

The blessing part is that my daughter gets to run off some energy with other kids to keep her occupied and I get use of McDonald’s free wi-fi to blog or work on my other online projects.

The curse: eating fast food and screaming children.  To keep calories down and finances under control I just pick a McDouble and a side salad and my daughter gets the chicken nugget kids meal.  We do this about three times a week.

We learned to hard way to not sit under the play area – the first time we came to this particular McDonald’s my daughter (just had to be MY daughter) had an accident and pee ran through the net and down onto the table right behind where I was sitting.  I was so embarrassed but couldn’t help laughing (inside of course) because the woman who was sitting behind me – who barely escaped the mess – was one of the mothers who just sits and allows her daughter to scream – I’m not talking about just playing loud – I’m talking screaming at the top of her lungs and mom didn’t do or say anything.  Some may think I’m not being unreasonable but I believe we need to teach our children appropriate public behaviors and especially indoors.

So, if you want to get some blogging done when the preschooler wants to play just grab your laptop and head on over to your nearest McDonald’s play land and remember to not sit under the play area.  And please don’t let your children scream.

Life as a single parent can be difficult. We do almost everything alone with little or no support. If you have a good support system through family or friends then consider yourself very lucky. If you don’t everyday life can sometimes become overwhelming. When life becomes overwhelming the simplest chore or minor setback can become a major stressor.

I am grateful to my parents who helped me through some tough situations such as co-signing for a car when I needed one, buying food for us when times were tough, and always willing to hand out advice whether I wanted it or not. I am thankful for my sister who has helped watch my children so I could take classes, go on a date, or just provide me with a well-needed break. I am especially grateful to my friends and family who have lent me a shoulder to cry on throughout the years.

For many single parents there is very little support system and to those I say to be strong, work harder, never give up, and learn to enjoy the little things like your child’s drawing, a hug, or even just watching the look on his face as he discovers something new.

Life as a single parent can be demanding. Because we do almost everything alone dealing with everything that needs to be done can be very exhausting. Sometimes I feel like while I can do almost anything I can’t seem to do anything right.

Life as a single parent can be lonely. Because it can be very exhausting when I think about dating I think, do I really want someone else in my life that I have to worry about? Of course a good partner will be someone you won’t have to worry about but a good partner is hard to find these days – not to mention who has the time to look? Certainly not me!

Life as a single parent can be very rewarding – even when you least expect it. Many times I feel as if when talking to my children it goes in one ear and out the other. But then the day comes that they say or do something that makes your jaw drop, your heart pound, and your head feel light as you realize, wow – he really did listen.

There are very little resources out there for the single parent. While there are resources available to anyone considered in the low-income bracket, which many single parents are, there are very few that address the unique needs of the single parent such as affordable and flexible childcare – did you know the state does not provide childcare for parents to go to college? There is no, or hard to find, resources available to ensure affordable housing in safe neighborhoods – most affordable housing is located in high crime neighborhoods where drugs run rampant and peer pressures run deep. One of the worst things a single parent has to deal with is social stigma and double standards.

So if you know a single parent, don’t be afraid to offer him or her a hand up once in a while. Any little gesture can become the biggest help like cooking a casserole, mowing the lawn, offering to change the oil in their car, or offering to help with the children once in a while. The little things are what make a big difference.

I really hate winter – my feet and hands stay cold all of the time, not to mention I walk around all day with the sniffles. If it weren’t for the holidays there would be nothing good about winter.

My boss doesn’t like me very well in the winter either because I won’t drive to work when there is ice on the streets. If you make it from point A to point B when there is ice on the roads you were lucky. It had nothing to do with skill or good tires. Although those things help there is nothing going to save you when you start to slide on the ice. There isn’t a job out there worth risking my life for. Thank goodness I work from home these days.

I’ll be glad when spring comes.

If this situation was that desperate why didn’t he just pull over and call 911? Why did he wait until after the police were trying to pull him over?

I sure hope the judge is smart enough to acknowledge that allowing these sort of actions is opening a very dangerous door? If this happened in my town I would be at the courthouse holding the biggest protest sign against letting him out of paying the consequences of his choices.

Please read the article I wrote about it here. http://www.examiner.com/single-parenting-in-wichita/should-you-be-allowed-to-speed-case-of-emergency

The being alone part isn’t necessarily a bad thing considering I seem to have a lousy sense of judgment when it comes to choosing a mate but it would be nice to at least have a good friend to share some time with.  The few friends I have managed to keep over the years have moved away.   Although we keep in touch it isn’t the same as having someone to hang out with.

If I had a nickel for every project I have started without completion I would have actually had a retirement plan.  But, since I haven’t I’m sitting here looking at a mid-life situation that could turn into a real crisis if I don’t learn to finish some projects and create some sort of retirement plan other that just winging it.

Of course every year I, like most people, I make New Year’s resolutions.   And like most people my resolutions aren’t kept.  Why?  Probably for the same reason most people’s resolutions fail – lack of a good plan, motivation and perseverance.

Part of my plan this year is to write down my goals, which is what I am going to do here.  I also will post a list on my refrigerator so I’ll see it everyday.  Hopefully this will help me complete this project.

I currently weigh 230 lbs standing at 5’5” so obviously losing weight is a priority.  I am 45 years old with a birthday around the corner in April so while I’m looking at age 50 just around a few more corners and feeling how every joint in my body hurts when I try to pull myself out of my lazy chair I’m thinking it is time to make losing weight a priority in my life.  While I was still closer to the 200 mark than the 250 I was at least still feeling good but the last 20 lbs has started to make me feel sick and in a lot of pain.  So, now is a good time to get serious about losing weight.  Goal #1 – Lose at least 25 lbs by the end of this first year.  My end goal is the lose 100 pounds by the time I turn 50.  I might be able to accomplish this all in one year but I think I would be safer with trying to lose about 2 lbs a month versus 8 – at least then if I only lose 2 lbs I won’t feel like a failure and give up. 

First part of the weight loss plan is to stop snacking while watching TV.  I figure this is when I eat most of the unhealthy foods so this step alone should cut out many calories of my normal diet.  Second step is to exercise at least 30 mins. per day.  I go swimming about three times a week so I just need to find something to do on the other 4 days.  Time to open that Pilates DVD I bought a few years ago.

I’ll probably add ideas to the weight loss plan but another great thing, for those of you who may read this, to do to help lose weight is drink at least 10 glasses of water per day.  To help me in this goal I write down all I eat and drink throughout the day.  This also helps me reduce my soda intake (or pop as some folks say).  I drink Diet Dr. Pepper but although it has no calories it has sodium and other stuff that isn’t good for me. 

Goal #2.  Save Money.  For someone who barely makes enough money to get through the month this can be a little tricky.  One way I plan to do this is to start using cash for my groceries.  This way I can stick to a budget better rather than whipping out my bankcard every time I go to the store.  Also – start throwing my change in a jar.  One year I paid for all my Christmas shopping out of tip money I saved in a jar.  I don’t get tips anymore but change can add up pretty fast if I hide it from my teenager.  The rest I have budgeted to save won’t save long because I am remodeling this place I recently bought – it’s a dump but that’s another story.

Goal # 3 and 4 are combined.  I love to write but when I get started I have trouble stopping.  Then I get burned out and stop writing for several months.  I have started several blogs that haven’t gone anywhere – including this one, and I was writing articles for sites like Helium.com and Examiner.com but stopped several months ago.  So – goal #3 is write more and goal #4 is to manage time better.  So to accomplish this I will write for at least 30 mins per day but no more than an hour – or so.  But then again, I don’t usually get time alone to write so it might take longer to account for interruptions from children.

Speaking of children… I have 5 children all together – three are over 18 and the younger two are currently age 13 and 4.  This part is a longer story than I care to write at this time but lets just say I unfortunately live with regrets.  Regrets that I haven’t devoted more of myself to my children.  Goal #5 is to spend more quality time with my family – especially my children.  During Christmas dinner I announced to my family that we are going to start meeting once per month for dinner or some sort of fun activity.  Hopefully this will grow into a huge family event including extended family members also.  I’m thinking bowling would be awesome!  Another part of this goal is to spend 30 mins per day totally devoted to my 4 yo daughter.  I’ll find a way to spend more time with my son but it will be hard to pull him away from his Xbox. 

Well – I started this New Year’s Eve and now it’s just after midnight – Happy New Years everyone!